Inside The Sheepskin

Football news, rumours and lies.

Chelsea Sign Unborn Brazilian

Look at that left foot

London, March 28th 2011

Chelsea have followed up their pre-contract signing of 17 year old Brazilian wonderkid Lucas Piazon by snapping up the unborn child of Rio couple Jorge and Rena Teixeres.

The couple have already got three sons – 8 year old twins that have already been signed to a long term deal by Santos, and a 4 year old that is reportedly interesting Real Madrid and Barcelona already despite not even playing a game for his kindergarten team.

Carlo Ancelotti stated this afternoon that the signing of the youngster – already dubbed “Foetusinho” by the press – is a key part of building for the future of the London club.  “We are confident that our new signing will be a big part of the team in around 18 years time” said the Italian.  “I expect by then I will be in my fourth spell as Chelsea manager”.

He then paused for laughter.  None followed.

Foetusinho is expected to be great with both feet, have blistering pace and be incredibly skilful, whilst having a slight attitude problem that means Chelsea supporters are always waiting for him to hand in a transfer quest.  When quizzed about this Ancelotti added that was “part of the excitement of having a Brazilian in the team”.

Rena Teixeres is currently under the supervision and care of the Chelsea medical staff who are ensuring that she does not eat any peanuts, raw eggs or fish during the course of the pregnancy.  Not knowing the full details of how the child will grow up is part of the charm for Ancelotti:  “The youngster could be a tall centre back like Lucio, or a strong and stocky centre forward like Adriano.  We just don’t know at this stage.  It is very exciting indeed.”

After pausing for thought Ancelotti added:  “Unless it’s a girl.”

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