Football news, rumours and lies.
Spurs Fans Feel Really Stupid Today
London, April 7th 2011
Two days after their disastrous 4-0 defeat to Real Madrid in the Champions League, Tottenham fans all over the capital are rubbing their eyes as if awaking from some unbelievable dream and immediately regretting several things that they may have said or promised in recent weeks.
Van driver John Taylor, 32, told us that he had embarrassed himself enormously during the course of Spurs run in the Champions League. “I actually told people, you know, people I actually like and respect, that we were now definitely one of the best teams in Europe” he said whilst clapping a hand to his face. “What was I thinking? We haven’t actually won a proper trophy in years.”
Taylor’s brother in law Gary Sutton, 28, echoed his feeling of utter stupidity. “I spent a fortune having a custom made flag stating that we were the best team in London, and sending picture messages of it to friends who are Arsenal and Chelsea fans. I feel like such a dick now. My dad told me that he hasn’t felt so ridiculous since putting a £5,000 bet on Spurs to beat Coventry 6-0 in the 1987 FA Cup Final.”
Taxi driver Nick Smith, 48, sat rocking backwards and forwards in his cab as we approached him, simply repeating the phrase “I told everyone I know that Gareth Bale was the best player in the world”.
Spurs fans are now expected to resume their usual pursuits: Watching Arsenal perform better than them whilst retaining some kind of mistaken belief that they have a god-given right to win trophies despite not winning the league since the 1960s.
Harry Redknapp is expected to be fired tomorrow, then be replaced by a succession of ill-thought out managers from different corners of the globe, many of who speak very little English and experiment with a controversial 2-3-5 formation.