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FIFA Makes Scottish Football Pundits Madatory
Zurich, April 17th 2011
FIFA President Sepp Blatter has passed an urgent decree today making it mandatory for every broadcaster showing football to have at least one Scottish pundit.
Blatter addressed a packed press conference with the news, stating that “it is important for Scotland to keep making their main contribution to the sport: Self-important, whining co-commentators who are infinitely better at picking fault than they were at playing the game.”
The news has been met with praise by former Scottish footballers. Whilst the likes of so-called “legends” like Alan McInally, Charlie Nicholas and Pat Nevin already have jobs, this is expected to open up a lot of additional positions. Inside the Sheepskin spoke to former Dundee United and St Johnstone goalkeeper Alan Main who told us of the jobs that he has been offered so far: “I’ve spoken to networks in Lithuania, Estonia and Thailand regarding work.” He added that he was “surprised really, I didn’t think anyone outside of Perth or Dundee knew who the fuck I was.”
TV networks have been set a deadline of the start of the 2011/12 season to take on their Scottish pundits, although many have already started. Former second choice St Mirren ‘keeper Les Fridge, 42, has been unveiled as star pundit for the ESPN network in Mexico despite speaking no Spanish whatsoever. On his debut performance he criticised the defending of every team in Mexico through an interpreter.
The move has attracted some criticism though, with there being talk of non-Scottish pundits picketing the offices of FIFA. It is thought that Jamie Redknapp would lead these protests, as his endorsement of Thomas Cook travel agents means he has a fair amount of free air miles to spend on their budget airlines.