Football news, rumours and lies.
Actual Football Match Breaks Out in Glasgow
Glasgow, 25th April 2011
It has emerged that a game of football broke out between two sides supported by small-minded sectarian fuckwits yesterday, with over 40,000 spectators in attendance.
Two teams from Glasgow – Celtic, who are preferred by the Catholic population and Rangers, backed by Protestants – allegedly played out a 0-0 draw which featured very little incident, precious little racism and no parcel bombs or death threats sent to anyone by utter fucksticks.
Over 1,000 police had suited up in preparation for the usual riot – the seventh of the season – but they were surprised to see precious little violence either on or off the pitch. Even when El-Hadji Diouf was on the field. Celtic boss Neil Lennon received occasional boos from the home crowd, but for once nobody threw darts, sticks or live ammunition at him as he stood on the touchline.
With the police paying attention to acts of utter tiny-brained sectarian idiocy until the end of the season, it is thought that football may actually reign supreme for at least a few more weeks.
Next season however, rivalries are expected to flare up again as the fiercely territorial fans argue over who has the better team, area of Glasgow and pointless made-up religion. A spokesman from the police told Inside the Sheepskin that they were already thinking of the coming season: “We expect more of the same ridiculous, stupid posturing from adults who should know better. We’d like to state the following: Calm down. Neither of your teams could make it in League One of England, let alone the Premier League. Both areas surrounding Parkhead and Ibrox are dank, frightening shitholes that nobody in their right mind would want to live in. And if there was indeed a God, he wouldn’t have created Scotland.”