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Category Archives: Van Driver

Local Man Takes Credit for Penalty Award

Lee Brown, yesterday. In a fucking van.

Leicester, December 26th 2011

Following a dour boxing day draw between Championship sides Leicester City and Ipswich Town, Loughborough-based Leicester supporter Lee Brown is taking credit for the penalty that drew the Foxes level in the second half.

At a hastily arranged press conference from the corner of a bar in a city centre public house, Brown told the gathered crowd of three friends who had not attended the game that the penalty – converted by Paul Gallagher after a handball from Ipswich forward Jason Scotland – was awarded purely because he shouted for it from his position in the King Power Stadium’s South Stand.

“The ref wasn’t having none of it” said Brown, between gulps of Stella Artois from a vaguely unclean glass.  “He was walking away until I called him a cunt, then he looked up, nodded at me and gave the pen.  All down to me.”

Brown’s associates nodded and agreed with the 27 year old van driver, who has a history of affecting refereeing decisions both for club and country.  In particular, the David Beckham free kick against Greece in 2001 that took England to the 2002 World Cup was only awarded – according to Brown – because he shouted the word “twat” repeatedly at the television whenever the referee was in shot.

So, what’s next?  Brown is looking forward to the FA Cup where he has “big plans” for affecting the referee in the East Midlands derby between City and Nottingham Forest, mainly by saying that he had sex with his mum in order to gain City a vital last-minute corner.

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