Football news, rumours and lies.
Tag Archives: Blackburn Rovers
London, 10th November 2011
West Ham United have decided to follow the lead of Newcastle United and rename their stadium to showcase the corporate opportunities at the club.
Newcastle have renamed their St James’ Park stadium as the “Sports Direct Arena” – the business of their owner Mike Ashley – in a move that has been thought to generate exactly no money and a rather large amount of irritation for the no-coat wearing Geordie masses.
One supported said “haway, they’ll be renaming the Blaydon Races the 10-poond pair of Lonsdale trainers races next.”
West Ham are likely to be just the first of many clubs to follow the lead of the so-called North East’s “Giants” in taking a similar step to rename an historic ground after the business of their owners. David Gold and David Sullivan have ploughed a lot of their cash into the club since they took over and the new name for the old Boleyn Ground is thought to be the “Ann Summers Budget Wankmag Arena”.
It is already rumoured that other clubs are getting ready to follow suit and take on the names of their money-donor owner’s firms:
Everton: The Willy Russell’s “Blood Brothers” Emporium
Blackburn Rovers: The Venky’s Yum Yum Yummy Yum Yum Chicken Stadium
Fulham: The Harrods THE QUEEN KILLED MY SON Arena
Whilst the rest of the country can see the inherent hilarity of the new Newcastle United stadium name, fans in the city actually seem to think that it’s a bit of a compliment, as every family in the North East spends over a quarter of their annual income in Sports Direct shops on Donnay t-shirts, Head golf clubs and five year old tracksuit pants.
Blackburn, October 24th 2011
As pressure mounts on him from supporters, Blackburn Rovers boss Steve Kean has started taking drastic measures to make the people of Blackburn like him.
“I’m a bit fed up of seeing all the “Kean Out” banners around Ewood Park” said the embattled manager yesterday. “So I’m going to try my best to make myself as popular as I can within Blackburn.”
So far he has learned to make meat and potato pies from scratch, sent hand-made greetings cards to every single Rovers season ticket holder, walked all of the dogs that are owned by the elderly and in-firmed within the town, kissed “more than three” babies and has learned to play the Hovis music on both clarinet and tuba.
“I’m not sure if it’s working yet” he added. “Earlier on I thought one man raised his flat cap at me, but it merely turned out he had an itchy scalp.”
Kean does remain upbeat about turning around opinion of himself though. “They’ll learn to love me eventually. After all, I’m not entirely sure what they’re expecting from me. This is Blackburn after all.”
It is thought that Blackburn have amazingly won the Premier League title once, despite only ever filling their stadium when a shipment of spoiled tripe and offal was auctioned off on the pitch.