Inside The Sheepskin

Football news, rumours and lies.

Tag Archives: Everton

West Ham Follow Newcastle’s Lead and Rename Upton Park

Name for saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale

London, 10th November 2011

West Ham United have decided to follow the lead of Newcastle United and rename their stadium to showcase the corporate opportunities at the club.

Newcastle have renamed their St James’ Park stadium as the “Sports Direct Arena” – the business of their owner Mike Ashley – in a move that has been thought to generate exactly no money and a rather large amount of irritation for the no-coat wearing Geordie masses.

One supported said “haway, they’ll be renaming the Blaydon Races the 10-poond pair of Lonsdale trainers races next.”

West Ham are likely to be just the first of many clubs to follow the lead of the so-called North East’s “Giants” in taking a similar step to rename an historic ground after the business of their owners.  David Gold and David Sullivan have ploughed a lot of their cash into the club since they took over and the new name for the old Boleyn Ground is thought to be the “Ann Summers Budget Wankmag Arena”.

It is already rumoured that other clubs are getting ready to follow suit and take on the names of their money-donor owner’s firms:

Everton:  The Willy Russell’s “Blood Brothers” Emporium

Blackburn Rovers:  The Venky’s Yum Yum Yummy Yum Yum Chicken Stadium

Fulham:  The Harrods THE QUEEN KILLED MY SON Arena

Whilst the rest of the country can see the inherent hilarity of the new Newcastle United stadium name, fans in the city actually seem to think that it’s a bit of a compliment, as every family in the North East spends over a quarter of their annual income in Sports Direct shops on Donnay t-shirts, Head golf clubs and five year old tracksuit pants.

Jack Rodwell Imprisoned for Assault

Not seen: Dead Uruguayan.

Liverpool, 4th October 2011

Following the good news that young Everton midfielder Jack Rodwell has had his harsh red card from the weekend’s clash against Liverpool rescinded, it now seems that the youngster has been imprisoned for an undetermined amount of time following an alleged assault.

It is thought that Rodwell shook the hand of Liverpool attacker Luis Suarez in a Liverpool night club on Saturday evening, and this heinous attack may have snapped the Uruguayan trickster’s wrist in several places.

Suarez was carried out of the venue on a stretcher, before being tended to in the street.  A few minutes later he gingerly got to his feet and carried on drinking with no obvious ill effects.  Rodwell was escorted out of the venue despite his protests, and then placed in a police van where he was beaten down with truncheons and sprayed with mace “for his own safekeeping”.

Rodwell was then held overnight in a cell with no food, water or heat before being transferred to Strangeways where he will be held until the end of his sentence.  His case was heard in his absence today, with Suaraz and Kenny Dalglish giving their evidence in front of a judge that was wearing a 1980’s classic “Candy” Liverpool replica shirt.

Suarez wept in court, clutching his wrist.

Rodwell will be available again for Everton’s home game with Fulham in 2014.