Inside The Sheepskin

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Study: Football Fans Expect Unrealistic Talent From Mere Humans

All of the above think you're shit

London, January 4th 2011

A group of leading scientists have spent the last year interviewing football fans, recording their comments in the stands and observing their television viewing habits to determine their expectations of the players that they watch every week.  The result?  Football fans have a totally unrealistic viewpoint of how good footballers actually are.

Head of the study was Professor Howard Davis who described the average football supporter as being “the most optimistic, surreal and goddamned unrealistic beasts around”.

When questioned in-depth, Davis highlighted the following key points:

*  The average fan seems to think that passing the ball 60 yards to the feet of a team-mate is incredibly simple to do

*  Most supporters believe that every single direct free kick should be scored, regardless of the distance from goal

*  Despite players being mere flesh and bone, fans expect them to be supermen who can sprint at full speed for 90 minutes

*  Every single footballer should be able to run the 100 metres with the ball under perfect control in less than ten seconds or be labelled as lazy

*  Goalkeepers are particularly singled out by fans as being useless because they can’t stop every single shot that comes at them

*  If a team loses then fans will often cite a lack of effort rather than the obvious shortcomings of their frankly mediocre players

Professor Davis cited several explanations for why fans could believe that their teams should consist of iron-willed supermen.  These include the rise of video games, the existence of Lionel Messi and general stupidity.

Despite the average fan’s unrealistic viewpoint of the skills of the players in the team that they support, when questioned each fan did completely believe that they were good enough to pull on their club’s shirt, mainly because they believed that their lack of talent would be balanced out by their heart and passion and “playing for the badge”.

The study – entitle Football Fans Can Be Fucking Idiots Sometimes is published this week.