Football news, rumours and lies.
Tag Archives: John Terry
London, October 24th 2011
Following controversy during Chelsea’s 1-0 defeat at QPR yesterday, John Terry has made great effort to utterly refute any suggestion of him using racist language towards Rangers defender Anton Ferdinand or anybody else – while cheerfully admitting that he is a complete and utter cunt of the highest order.
“I cannot think of anything worse than using racist language” said the Blues captain this morning at Chelsea’s training complex. He then added that “I am happy to report that I am still a total prick who will – away from any bigoted behaviour towards anyone ethnically different to myself – happily steal your Mrs, drive whilst drunk, abuse a referee and clothesline an old lady from her mobility scooter.”
Terry then left the press conference to attend a Kick Racism Out of Football special event where he posed for photographs with youngsters, before hitting on an attractive female PR representative – even though she insisted that she wasn’t interested.
He was then seen leaving the event after scraping his keys down the side of her car.
London, March 16th 2011
With Rio Ferdinand reportedly unhappy with Fabio Capello for considering a return to John Terry as England captain, sources close to the Manchester United defender have said that he has issued a challenge to the Chelsea star for a wrestling match.
With England next playing at the end of the month, it is thought that the two will clash after a training session, as the remaining players stand watch and form an impromptu ring around the two combatants. Only the side square – Jermain Defoe – wants no part of this, saying that he’ll tell if anyone forces him to watch.
Despite being injured at the moment Ferdinand has been practising piledrivers and suplexes on his bedroom pillows, moonsaults on a bouncy castle that he has hired and applying figure four leglocks to anyone that will sit still for long enough.
“Rio is psyched” said team mate Michael Carrick. “He’s been watching Bret Hart videos on YouTube and has even designed his own outfit. This is a grudge match. It’s on.”
Sources close to John Terry have hinted that he may take a more dirty approach in the fight, with him growing his nails and resorting to kneeing colleagues in the groin when they aren’t expecting under the guise of “warming up for Rio.” Terry has not ruled out bringing a weapon to the match with him as “insurance” – such as a metal folding chair, baseball bat or salt to throw in Ferdinand’s eyes.
Both men are said to be training hard for the clash, with Ferdinand saying that he’s training so hard that he unfortunately can’t bring himself to urinate for any drugs tests that might occur during the build-up.