A Nation Decides Manchester City Lesser of Two Evils, Collectively Giggles

Choose your side, they're both evil

Manchester, October 24th 2011

Following the astonishing result in yesterdays Manchester derby at Old Trafford, fans of football across England have had to choose the lesser of two evils to decide how they really feel about City’s amazing 6-1 victory.

We polled a cross section of fans this morning and we got the following results:

1:  Fans jealous of Manchester City’s awesome spending power:  100%

2:  Fans who generally dislike Manchester United:  100%

3:  Fans who think that Manchester City’s unbelievable riches is killing the game:  100%

4:  Fans who didn’t giggle uncontrollably when hearing the result and scoreline yesterday:  0%

Here are a selection of quotes:

Stephen Gibbons, 37: “As a fan you can’t be proud of how City have spent and spent and spent in order to find some glory.  That said, watching Sir Alex seethe from the touchline was marvellous.”

Gary Chambers, 41: “I know they’ve overspent but I wouldn’t care if it was 11 paedophiles out there if it meant a spanking for United.”

Alan Walker, 26: “Yesterday was the happiest day of my life, and I don’t even like football.  Just knowing that Rooney and his chums had to feel miserable for a few minutes before climbing into the SUVs and heading home to their mansions was sweet.  So sweet.”

United fans have been quick to criticise City for their spending, pointing to United’s many honest bargain signings like Wayne Rooney, Dimitar Berbatov and Phil Jones and their youth team products that were hand-stolen from other academies, as well as their ramshackle little stadium.

City have been celebrating the win today by buying the nation of Liechtenstein.